Forgiving and Asking Forgiveness

An Everyday Practice to Prepare Us for Glory

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Hi Friends, today I’m sharing an excerpt from Preparing for Glory: Biblical Answers to 40 Questions on Living and Dying in Hope of Heaven. While Dr. Ira Byock, palliative care physician, recommended offering forgiveness and asking forgiveness as two of his five practices for the end of life (check out the book for the other three), they are really practices we want to do at all times!

Be kind and compassionate to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

When we need forgiveness…

Near the end of my dad’s life, I lost my temper with him. I had missed his last two oncology appointments because I had been in another city caring for our son after his surgeries for a brain tumor. Now I was back, and I found that my dad’s condition had clearly deteriorated—he required a wheelchair just to make it to the oncologist’s office. An hour into the wait, my patience was already running thin when my dad ever so casually mentioned that he had discontinued his oral chemotherapy treatment. I was angry. Not because he had discontinued the treatment, but because when I had been away and had checked on him, he had told me that he was, in his words, “tip-top.” The woman sitting in the chair next to me observed my anger and my dad’s embarrassment and spoke up, “It will all be okay.” She paused briefly and spoke again, “It will all be okay as long as you know Jesus.” I have always thought of that woman as the “angel in the waiting room.” She reminded me of the truth I needed to remember in that moment: because of Jesus’ forgiveness of our sins and because of the hope of glory, it truly will “all be okay.”            

How we can ask for and offer forgiveness

Knowing that we have been forgiven by Jesus, we can both ask for and extend forgiveness as we or others near the end of life and the beginning of glory. In that awful waiting room moment, I needed my father’s forgiveness and I needed to remember my heavenly Father’s forgiveness. Because of my heavenly Father’s forgiveness, I could also extend forgiveness to my earthly father for hiding the truth of his condition from me.

What forgiveness is and what it is not

What does it mean to forgive? Let’s begin with what forgiveness is not. It is not denying, excusing, or minimizing the offense. Rather, to forgive is to name the harm, first to ourselves and to God and sometimes to the offender. Forgiveness is a process that often takes time and wise counsel from another. To forgive is to let go of our desire to make the other pay for his wrong to us, to begin to pray for his good (Matt. 5:44). To forgive is to seek reconciliation while realizing that the person we are forgiving may be unable or unwilling to repent of their sin and to move back into relationship.

Similarly, to ask forgiveness is to name our offense against another without excusing, minimizing, or blame-shifting. To ask forgiveness requires humility and the clarity to see how we have harmed another and God. As we ask forgiveness, we seek to change our behavior in repentance that is utterly dependent on the Holy Spirit working in us.

A regular rhythm

As Christians, extending and asking forgiveness are regular rhythms of our lives. As we near the end of our lives, looking forward to the day in glory when we will know the full freedom of our forgiveness in Christ, it is only natural that we become more intentional about the practice of forgiveness. In practicing forgiveness, we have the opportunity to leave an emotional legacy that will bless others for years to come.

Prayer

Forgiving Father,

Thank you for sending your Son to pay the unpayable debt of our sins against you. By dying on the Cross, he reconciled us to you. Because we have been not only forgiven but made righteous in Christ, help us to forgive and ask forgiveness of others.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Ephesians 1:7, 4:32; Matthew 18:21-35; Matthew 5:43-45.

Read “Tim Keller Wants to Help You Forgive” by Matt Smethurst.

For Reflection

What experiences have you had around forgiveness at the end of a person’s life? Do you need to seek or extend forgiveness to someone now? Pray that God would strengthen you and give you wisdom in this area.